“portraits of a growing boy”
A collaborative shoot with dear friend and photographer Sauphia Germain.
Taken on 10/16/2022.
Five days before O’Malley’s life-saving double mastectomy and chest masculinization surgery.
I asked Sauphia if they would help me capture my chest on film before my upcoming surgery.
To help me say goodbye to a current form.
Throughout the shoot I kept moving to
hold myself.
A final expression of gratitude.
Even as this layer and I were not destined.
As I held this version of my body
I felt release.
I said “thank you for carrying me this far”.
“portrait of a growing boy”, alone
“portraits of a growing boy”, series one
10/18/2022 — Three days till surgery.
“a boy told the sea”
feeling a great deal of nostalgia.
not the longing for the past kind.
but the kind that makes you feel as though you should say goodbye to the sea.
i don’t believe i was born in the wrong body.
i believe i was born to be trans.
but perhaps, perhaps i still have to say goodbye.
at least,
that’s what i told the sea.
“portraits of a growing boy”, series two
“portraits of a growing boy”, series three
Sauphia Germain Photography
“surrender”
A self portrait series.
Uploaded to my instagram story in the weeks and days leading up to my procedure.
“Photographing myself everyday until my life saving top surgery”.
10/16/2022 — Five days till surgery.
“i’ve come face to face with myself. and i’ve survived”.
traveling through transition is more than outward
change.
presentation.
expression.
and not often discussed is the transition of
truth.
not just coming out. but in. towards self.
yourself.
“surrender”
my brother and i talk about how
you must face who you’ve
been.
to find who you’ll
become.
it’s hard work.
it’s heart work.
“surrender to”
i tell a friend it feels like a second chance at
life.
i cry to a lover that
this journey, my transition
has made me feel
VAST.
but all a sudden i feel so
small.
and i don’t know if that’s such a bad thing.
i’m learning to conquer the fear of
change.
a friend advises
surrender to it.
surrender
surrender
surrender.
on my mind.
“screaming loud through silent lips I”
“screaming loud through silent lips” -- is a photo series created in January of 2021 in collaboration with Jodye Moon. In April/May of 2021 several of the series images were featured at the Woman Made Gallery in Chicago, IL in BOUNDARIES an exhibition juried by Whitney LaMora.
1/3/2021
i don’t believe i ever understood gender in the binary form.
as a child i watched and i learned.
i became a “performer”.
and i was a good fool.
and i was a lost player.
a lonely misfit
and weary vagabond
on a stage both
too big
and much, much too small.
gender is theatrical.
not just in the sense that it is presented and performed.
but in that it is both ephemeral and expansive.
i’ve grown now,
through the figure you see here
to not only be a
misfit
vagabond
strutting and fretting
but,
an impresario
of sorts.
of my own.
because after all,
gender is
“a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing”.
cheers
to all my fellow walking shadows.
- MANIC
“screaming loud through silent lips II”
Jodye Moon Photography
“it’s getting MANIC”
A collaborative shoot with photographer Erik Wuesthoff during which Erik exclaimed “Hang on, it’s starting to get MANIC!” as he peered from behind his camera amid an abandoned, graffitied building in the middle of the woods. A visual conversation of pride and love between two coworkers turned friends turned collaborators.
Erik Wuesthoff Photography
“SMASH the prom”
A collaborative shoot with photographer Manal Murangi. MANIC needs a date to the prom. and also to SMASH the STATE. They are now accepting applications for prom dates, comrades, or both. Serious inquiries only.
Manal’s Murangi Media
“the tough Kid KING”
A chance collaborative shoot with photographer Miranda Schnoor. A visual love letter to the original “tough kids”, the butches, the dykes, and the Kings. The “forgotten but heroic figures…individuals who were assigned female at birth but whose gender presentation was more masculine than feminine, who did not want to enter into heterosexual marriage, and who often faced dire punishment for being themselves” (Butch Heros by Ria Brodell).
Miranda Schnoor Photography
“romeo”
Shot and designed by Summer Schantz.
femininity. a word i struggle to own. a compulsion with which i’ve quarreled. a once unhappy hiding place. a painted front i’ve known too well. an idea i’ve bastardized. a part i continue to navigate. a role i am learning to reconstruct.
I often feel expressing feminine strength and power was a role in which I was cast without my consent.
“sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself”
Miles Davis was referring to music and well, I’m referring to gender. Which for much of my life had felt like a burdensome performance.
That is…until I began to write for myself.
Much thanks to Summer for documenting this moment of re-capture and reclaiming of queer femininity.
Summer Schantz Photography
“color me boy, color me girl” series one
Shot and designed by Ariel Lopez.
A photo series inspired by upcoming experimental Drag Short of the same name, “color me boy, color me girl” is an intimate gender exploration and reflection. Your gender? where did you learn it? who taught you that?
**Directed, Shot, and edited by Molly Shayna Cohen. Releasing Summer of 2022**
“color me boy, color me girl” series two
Ariel Lopez Pics
“birth of a MANIC PIXIE”
I am not a manic pixie dream girl
I am just a Manic Pixie. So watch out.
Or I might bite you.
One time “recovering manic pixie dream girl” wrote a poem.
Thus a DRAGster, a pseudonym, an alias, a stage name, and a voice was born.
